It Was Only a Kiss
by TheLadyValura
Summary: During a warm Summer night at Grimmauld Place, Hermione goes to return a book to the library. When she finds a depressed Lupin flipping through photos with his Fire Whiskey, will she be able to ease his pain? Or will she only cause her own?
1. Default Chapter

**It Was Only a Kiss**

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter...now that, that's all cleared up, on with the show!

Author's Note: I really like Remus/Hermione ships but I've never tried writing one of my own, so be gentle...I hope they aren't too terribly ooc.

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_It was only a kiss_

Remus Lupin slumped against the wall of his apartment. There was the faint glint of cool sweat on his forehead, his breaths were quick and shallow, and the silver light of the half moon peeked through the curtains creating a magical feeling. His normally cool, collected demeanor had been shattered, with one kiss.

_It was only a kiss._

Yes, why was it such a big deal then? He had kissed many a woman before. Well perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration, he had certainly kissed enough that this shouldn't be such an enormous deal though, he reasoned with aggravation.

"_None were like her though…"_ his heart whispered back in response to his logical mind. Remus growled with irritation, and slammed his fist into the wall, the thin dry wall buckled in a small cave around his clenched hand. He sighed with slight pain mingled with relief. It would be easy enough to cast a quick Reparo, but somehow that seemed inappropriate at the moment, he didn't want it fixed, he'd let it stay there as a reminder of what happened when you let yourself get caught up in your emotions.

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Hermione Granger sat on her bed in 12 Grimmauld place staring out the window in wonder. What had just happened? She had just experienced her first real kiss. This should be a moment of girlish excitement; she should be jumping up and down with Ginny screaming with joy. Why was it then, that all she felt was the deepest confusion of her life? After all, it was only a kiss…

_It was only a kiss._

No, it wasn't only a kiss, her heart whispered back. She wasn't even sure how it had happened. She had gone to return a book she had taken from the library in the old derelict house, and she found him there. He was slumped in the corner clutching a photo album titled _"Hogwarts",_ written in Sirius' writing. Next to him there was a half-empty bottle of Fire Whiskey and a box of chocolate frogs, the cards scattered in messy piles around him. His eyes were red, and he had dark shadows around them, his amber iris' faded to a sick muted yellowish color.

She had been about to turn and leave him to his thoughts, when he called out.

"Hello…" he whispered in a raspy voice.

All thoughts of leaving vanished. He had saw her, it would be cruel of her to leave now. Besides, he had comforted her before. When Harry had left them to go do whatever it was he did for Dumbledore, Remus was a constant source of reassurance, though he knew as little about Harry's location as she did. Harry was an Unspeakable, not by choice though. He had fought strongly to be allowed to become an Auror, but Dumbledore stood firm in his decision. Exactly why Harry had to become an Unspeakable, Hermione wasn't sure of, but she thought it might have something to do with the War against Voldemort.

She sighed shaking her head, she was losing her track of thought, she had been trying to remember how the kiss had even came to be.

"Hello" he had whispered in his raspy voice.

It was raining out side, and the only light in the dusty old library came from the shadowed half moon. Remus was wearing a tattered gray tee shirt and a pair of jeans that were so old, faded, and tattered they could have been mistaken for fashionable in the muggle world. But, Hermione knew better, Remus had stopped caring since Sirius had died, he was his last connection to a happier time in his life, his best friend. Hermione felt a pang of pity; he had lost everything that had ever mattered to him.

She took a step forward into the pale moonlight, his eyes making her aware that she was wearing only her long, sleeveless cotton nightgown. She hadn't planned on being seen, at this hour she hadn't thought anyone else would be awake.

He smiled slightly. Not a happy smile, like his had once been, a mere shadow of something, perhaps amusement at the situation, she couldn't be sure. "Hello Remus." She said in a hushed voice. "Do you want to talk?" she asked this more out of politeness than anything, she knew he would decline, as he always did.

"Come sit…" he croaked, waving her over next to him. She walked slowly towards him and sat about a foot away from him, facing each other. The smell of fire whiskey was strong, it made her eyes water. Without his normally stoic manner he seemed younger some how, more vulnerable, she had the sudden desire to grab his hand and tell him everything would be okay.

"Remus I…" she nearly gasped when he touched a long slender finger to her lips.

"Shhh…" he whispered. Hermione felt her stomach flutter slightly. He was much, much too close right now. "Follow me." He said standing up with only a small amount of difficulty. He was smiling now, a boyish smile, a handsome smile, one she had never seen before.

She felt a bit nervous about what this could be about, but at least he seemed to feel a bit better now. She followed him through a long dark corridor she had never seen before in Grimmauld place, which was odd considering she had helped clean a majority of the house. It led into a large chamber, but instead of looking like the rest of the rooms, it seemed to be outdoors. Hermione knew a few basic charms that could accomplish this affect, but this was incredible. There were exotic plants beautiful and strange all around. Looking at the ceiling she saw the stars.

"What is this place?" she asked mystified.

Remus smirked, "The noble gardens of Black, or should I say now Lupin."

"You did all this?" she asked surprised.

"No." he replied quietly. "Sirius had started it when Dumbledore kept him house bound, it used to be the House Elf decapitation chamber." Hermione winced at the cruel practice, but then felt a deeper sadness replace it. Sirius, he had done this, and now Lupin felt bound to keep it alive for his friend. "It's beautiful isn't it? Sometimes I come here just to think…You're the only other person who knows about this now…" he said sadly. He looked up at the sky, into the endless blackness lit by the twinkling stars and the silvery moon, she saw his shoulders sag and he let out a ragged sob.

"Remus…Shhh…it's okay I promise." Hermione said whispering, rubbing his back gently as if he were a young child. She had never seen him like this; he was so strong, stoic, and resilient. But now, he was so…sad, she had never seen sadness like this, even in Harry. She supposed that Remus really had no one. Harry had Ron, her, Ginny, Neville, and so many more. He literally had no one left.

"I just miss him so much." He said in a raspy whisper. "I miss them all so much…so much"

Hermione felt so helpless, she hugged her arms around him trying to relax him, but she was getting on the verge of tears herself. Then before she knew what as happening his lips were upon hers. Her initial reaction was shock, overwhelming, total surprise. He wasn't kissing her forcefully or anything; it was just, where in the world had it come from. Instead of pulling away from him though, she wrapped her arms around his neck, it felt right, like this was something meant to happen. After about ten seconds he broke the kiss abruptly though, and stepped back with a look mingled between pleasure and horror.

"I'm…so sorry Hermione…goodnight." He said shakily as he turned and practically ran out of the garden room.

She stood there for about five minutes in complete bewilderment before walking back to her room.

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Remus paced his sparsely decorated apartment running the past hours events through his mind. He had been up in the library seeking some solitude from Molly, who kept trying to talk to him about Sirius, as she did every time they were in Grimmauld place. He had found an old photo album of Sirius' from Hogwarts mingled in with his family's records of Genealogy and various dark magic books.

While flipping through it he started to feel the on set of a deep depression, worse than he had had in a long time. So he brought out his trusted bottle of Fire Whiskey of course, because he could thing of nothing better to accompany some alone time looking over fond memories of himself and all of his dead, and in Peter's case traitorous friends.

Then he heard someone enter. He had been afraid it was Molly, she would chide him for having such nasty drink in a house with children, though they could hardly be called children, most of them being of age, or at least nearly there. But instead it was Hermione, just his luck to have her of all people find him piss drunk in a library. He had expected a lecture from her that would put Molly's to shame, but instead she was sympathetic. She had grown so mature over the past few years, though he supposed she had been through a great deal of trauma, just as Harry had.

She was wearing this sheer white cotton nightgown that with the moon's radiant night made her seem angelic, and perfect. She reminded him of one of the flowers from the garden, so beautiful and sweet. He just had to show her the garden. She would love it, he knew she would. He led her through the dark, winding corridors. He could sense her tension; he could imagine how he seemed. He nearly laughed, Old Lupin's finally lost it, he's off on a midnight adventure with the suddenly blossomed and mature Hermione Granger. He nearly felt himself blush, she certainly had matured in many ways.

When they arrived at the gardens the serenity of the scene soothed his aching soul temporarily. For a moment he felt truly at peace, though a small voice whispered that perhaps it was the beautiful woman who accompanied him responsible for this, and not the flowers. In fact he had nearly recovered until he started thinking about Sirius again, it was still so painful here in this place, it was a constant reminder of his lost life. He would do anything just to forget it, just to let it go, but then he was afraid, he'd have nothing left. Better pain than emptiness.

His thoughts were swirling making his head explode in pain; he just wanted to be happy again. Then she was their calming him, reassuring him, holding him. He lost control; the comfort she was giving made him feel whole again. All he wanted was to be with her. So he kissed her. It seemed logical enough at the time. But when his mind cleared and he realized what he did, he knew he had to get out of there. What kind of monster must she think he is?

Remus rubbed his throbbing temples in aggravation. Perhaps he was overreacting; after all it was only a kiss. As he lie in his bed, thin ragged sheets covering his sweat-dampened body, he fell asleep thinking, what a wonderful kiss it had been.

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Author's Note: Okay so did you like it? I'll write more chapters if you think it's worth continuing, not that stunning of a plot right now, but I have ideas for later. Well please review and thanks for reading! 


	2. Bliss and Confusion

**It Was Only a Kiss**

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing, specifically, no billion- dollar book lines by the name of Harry Potter.

**Author's Note**: Thank you so much for all the great reviews! I was really shocked to get so many. So I'll definitely continue with this, a little fluff, and drama in here…well a lot of fluff. Next chappie will be longer I promise, I just didn't want to leave off with a cliffy.

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Chapter Two: Bliss and Confusion**

The next morning breakfast was rushed. Ginny had to be getting back to Hogwarts. After a quick Order meeting, Ron needed to get to Auror training, an impatient Tonks screaming for him to hurry his skinny arse up. Neville was hanging out with Hermione, awaiting the other Order members for the meeting. Molly cooked a scrumptious breakfast though, as she always did, and for a moment everything felt normal. Then her pleasant thoughts were shattered abruptly by, the fiery headed, Gin.

"So Hermione, where were you last night…out for a midnight rendezvous with your boyfriend?" she said in a teasing manner. It would have been fine; it would have passed as a simple joke. Unfortunately Hermione caught utterly off-guard, choked on her toast to near suffocation. Neville, who had learned the Heimlich Maneuver in Muggle Studies, found this a great opportunity to show off his knowledge on life saving. After giving her four hearty thrusts with his fist into her abdomen, she promptly spit a chunk of chewed up toast into Ron's face.

After wiping off his face with an utterly disgusted look, Ron rose an eyebrow questioningly. "Anything you'd like to tell us 'Mione?"

"No…" she mumbled feeling heat spread across her cheeks.

She heard Molly clicking her tongue in disapproval from the kitchen. Ginny was practically jumping with excitement. Feeling completely humiliated and desperate to escape, Hermione excused herself from the table and went up to her room. She ran through the hall way carelessly, brushing the curtain of Mrs. Black's portrait.

"BLOOD TRAITORS! MUDBLOOD FILTH!" she shrieked in revolted fury.

Angry, confused, and overly emotional, Hermione turned back, looked Mrs. Black in her rotted eyes and screamed back, "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU CRAZY OLD HAG!"

And for a moment the entire house was silent. Then Mrs. Black's infuriated screaming returned, but behind it could be heard Neville, the Weasleys and Tonk's amused applause.

Hermione sank on to her bed and pulled a pillow over her face. She stayed in this odd position for about a minute, and then she muttered a silencing charm and screamed as loud as she could. This made her feel much better until, she lifted the pillow to see Harry standing at the door, wearing a face mingled between worry, and hilarity.

"Ron said you might want to talk…He said you were having a moment…" Harry smirked while he said this. "I think that means he was worried, but didn't want to risk talking to you himself for fear of his life."

"Ron's smart…leave me alone." She mumbled. Harry burst out laughing. "What's so funny?" she demanded aggravated and not in the mood to be mocked by her best friend.

"You just said, Ron's smart!" Harry was red in the face laughing. "I have to tell him that one…priceless 'Mione." Hermione chucked a pillow at his face and heard his glasses crunch.

"Reparo." She muttered in a frustrated voice. "Now out!" she said pointing toward the door.

"Geez Hermione, no need to get so emotional. Anyway most of the Order is here now, so you better get you're bum down there."

"Urgh…why can't everyone leave me alone!" she shrieked in frustration. She just wanted a moment's peace to think. At that moment another guest had joined Harry.

"Not a good time I'm guessing." The deep rasping voice said.

"Wait!" Hermione said sitting up. Harry rose an eyebrow, well her mood changed quick enough.

"Hey Harry, do you mind if I talk to Hermione real quick, Hogwarts business." Remus said smiling.

"Yeah sure Remus…" Harry said shaking his head with confusion. He knew Hermione was an assistant Charms professor, but what about Hogwarts did Remus have to talk with her about. As far as he was aware, Remus only worked for the Order, though he wouldn't be surprised if that had changed and no one had bothered to tell him. A little miffed, Harry made his way downstairs to join the others, frustrated at his loss of connection with the outside world, ever since he had been forced into becoming an Unspeakable.

"Well…" Hermione said awkwardly, staring at the ground like a shy child.

"Well…" Remus said; his hands clasped behind his back, swaying nervously back and forth.

"I…" Hermione started

"Hermio..." Remus spoke at the same moment. They both laughed a little, finally looking up at each other. She smiled at him, a genuine smile, a warm smile. He felt his heart flutter pleasantly. W_hat am I becoming, some bashful teenager?_ Remus thought amusedly.

"Come on you two some of us have important business to take care of!" Moody shouted in an impatient tone.

"Well we should get downstairs I guess." Remus said with a slightly disappointed look on his face.

Hermione frowned as well, he was so handsome when he smiled, she wanted to make him smile again. She sighed, this was so confusing, he was more than twice her age, and one of her ex-professors._ Yes, and you had a crush on him then, why not now, besides he hardly looks his age, and he's on the same maturity level as you. _Her mind replied logically. Oh god now it wasn't only her heart in on this. She saw him begin to turn towards the door. "Wait…" she said in a soft and slightly perplexed voice.

"Yes Hermione?" he said taking a step toward her, his cheeks had the slightest stain of pink, his eyes were shining liquid amber.

"I had something I wanted to give you." She said standing up. She could feel her knees shaking, she felt like she was walking on ice. She was directly in front of him now. "Close your eyes…"she whispered. After smirking slightly at her he complied, a peaceful countenance made him look so much younger, more relaxed. She eased gently towards him till her lips were an inch from his. She could feel his breath, warm steam on her cold skin. Gently she pressed her lips on to his in an innocent kiss. She pulled away, not wanting to. He opened his eyes slowly, his eyelashes fluttering. He looked blissful, but there was something else there, perhaps the same thing she was experiencing, confusion.

"Thank you" he whispered, taking a chance he touched her cheek for a moment, marveling in the softness of her skin, in contrast to his scarred and callused hands. She looked like she was going to speak, he didn't know if he was ready right now to think clearly though, to be rational. If there was one thing he had learned in his life, it was to always be rational, never to let yourself be led by your heart, that way it can never be broken. He was what he was, and though she may not understand that now, she would have to, and he wasn't prepared for rejection, especially by her.

Remus cleared his throat, his mind clearing of the haze she had cast over it with a simple kiss, "I think we should get to the meeting before they send out a search party for us." He said smiling slightly, though he didn't feel nearly as content as her pretended.

"I suppose you're right." She said softly. "You go down now, I'll follow in a moment."

"Alright…" he replied trying to cover the regret in his voice. He stepped through the doorway shutting it gently. This was the best he had felt since Sirius had left them. It was also the most confused he had felt, in nearly his entire life. Of all the people to fall in love with, why her? Harry's best friend, a girl half his age, and his previous student. He ran a hand through his hair trying to calm himself before e stepped in to he kitchen where the Order was meeting. In all of his frustration, he hadn't realized one important fact, something his heart and mind were both screaming at him, desperately trying to tell him, _He was in love._

Hermione lied back on her bed, a million questions racing through her head. Remus Lupin, the man was an enigma, in himself. He was responsible, caring, intelligent, and compassionate. But he was reckless, emotionally unstable, depressed, and terribly self-conscious. She sighed, she supposed she was hardly perfect too. She felt like screaming, like running away. Why was love so painful? _"What did I just think...love?"_

Hermione Granger, the most responsible member of the Golden Trio, had went and done the most irresponsible thing one can do._ She had fallen in love._


	3. So This is Love?

It Was Only a Kiss

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. OR unfortunately Remus Lupin…but I'm working on it ;) !

Author's Note: Surprise! Quick update…I was in a writing mood today so here you go. A good amount of drama and fluff…warn me if it gets to fluffy though…well read, review, and enjoy! Thankyou everyone for all of the supportive reviews!

to answer a review comment, the whole love being rushed thing...as you said it happens sometimes, this is just one of those connections that is immediate...like love at first sight, but instead at first kiss...

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Chapter 3: So This is Love? 

What was supposed to have been a routine meeting of the Order of the Phoenix had becoming something much more, something terrible, yet wonderful all at once. The time was approaching, Luna Lovegood, who had become one of the most revered and talented seers of the time, had a vision. A snake had been hiding in a tree when a lion had passed it by, the snake ha lashed out against the lion, unprepared the lion had received a deadly bite, but with it's dying breath had crushed the snake under its mighty paw. There was a certain irony to this, Voldemort would die, but they'd lose Harry too, Hermione had always secretly worried that was the meaning of the prophecy.

After Luna had finished speaking, Ginny the youngest member of the Order, a special exception to the age limit for some extraordinary bravery on her part, burst out into tears and wrapped her arms around Harry. Many of the faces in the room had gone ashen. All except Harry and Dumbledore in fact, who looked between each other as if they had both understood this for a long time, and were simply uncomfortable with the others' reactions.

"I promise mate I won't let them come near you." Ron said fiercely.

Harry smiled sadly and nodded, "Thanks Ron…but it won't make a difference, what is meant to be is meant to be." Hermione could've sworn she just saw Remus look over at her when Harry had said the last part. She shook her head, clearing her mind of all other thoughts besides her best friend.

"Harry there must be something you can do to stop this, I know very well that there is nothing set in stone. We always have choices." Hermione said seriously looking at her friend ready for his response.

Harry looked at Dumbledore with a strange expression; Dumbledore looked back at him and shook his head slightly. Harry rubbed his temples in frustration, for a moment Hermione could see thin wrinkles that had began to form across her friend's forehead, the stress was destroying him, his bright emerald eyes had become a deep, ominous cloudy green over the past year. "No Hermione…there's nothing…it's sort of destiny." He said sighing.

Ginny was still crying heavily, Harry was rubbing her back to sooth her. Ron was standing now and pacing in an angry fashion. Tonks and Moody were trying to calm their trainee down. Neville who hadn't spoke once all meeting, only looked up briefly at Harry for a moment, stood up and excused himself from the room saying he felt ill. Remus and Hermione were both silent, lost in thought, confused, depressed, and helpless. Molly was crying slightly her hands covering her face. The only noise in the room was the sobs of mother and daughter, and the eerie humming of Luna Lovegood.

"Harry I swear if you think of anything I can do, you better tell me." Ron said gravely, his face still blotched with red and white from anger and shock.

"I will Ron…I promise." Harry said tonelessly, his eyes holding an empty stare. Ron embraced his friend tightly before leaving the room with Tonks and Moody, muttering that he had something stuck in his eyes.

Dumbledore left next stating he had to get back to Hogwarts, Ginny, and Hermione would need to leave with him, they would floo to his office most likely. Harry whispered something to Ginny before she stood up, and shyly she kissed him on the lips. Her face bright red, it was unclear if it was from crying or blushing. Molly looked completely dumbfounded, but everyone else smiled slightly for the couple. Hermione had known for a long time that they had been secretly dating, needless to say Ginny couldn't quite grasp the concept of a secret, and Hermione was certain Mrs. Weasley was probably the only person unaware of her daughter's relationship with the famous Harry Potter.

"Are you two…? Molly stumbled with slight astonishment.

"Yes…" Harry replied tousling Ginny's hair slightly. The shadow of a smile had lit his face, but it was a smile like Sirius' had been, it didn't seem to make it to his eyes.

"Oh how wonderful!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. "You shouldn't keep a secret like that from me Ginevra." She scolded laughingly. It was nice to have the mood lightened, even if only slightly.

Remus stood suddenly at left the room without looking at any of them, muttering a quick good bye.

Harry rose an eyebrow at Lupin's odd behavior but shrugged it off; Remus didn't seem exactly comfortable with emotions. "Well…Mrs. Weasley if you think that's wonderful, maybe there's something else I should tell you all." Harry said looking slightly nervous. Ginny's face had gone white, and she looked as if she would faint. "I've asked Gin if she would marry me after she graduates." Harry said looking Mrs. Weasely in the eyes, praying she wouldn't turn mad.

"And?" Molly said waiting for the rest.

"I said yes." Ginny squeaked, her cheeks burning red.

"Oh how excellent! We'll have to start planning the details and such of course soon. I'm assuming you two will want a wizarding wedding?" Mrs. Weasley said, maternal joy bursting in her voice.

"Well…" Harry said scratching his head thoughtfully. "I hadn't given much thought to details. All that I know about wizarding weddings was what I saw at Bill and Fleur's last year, and that was a French version wasn't it?"

"Yes. But in essence they're all nearly the same." Mrs. Weasley said smiling. "Oh I'm so excited for you two!" she paused carefully and added, "Though I must say I'm rather shocked this seems…sudden."

"We didn't want to wait…the future seems so uncertain, all we knew is that we wanted to spend whatever time we have together." Ginny's voice cracked while she said this, and Hermione felt herself tearing up as well.

Harry squeezed Ginny's hand and the she wiped her eyes and smiled. "Well I suppose I need to get going. I don't think Professor Dumbledore will wait up much longer." She said trying to sound calm.

"Yes…we should get going," Hermione said quietly. She felt very…odd. Her best friend was getting married to her best girl friend. This was all so sudden, so surprising, she had known they were dating but…she hadn't known they were _that_ serious.

Ginny kissed Harry and her mother good bye. Then hurried out the door to meet Dumbledore by the fireplace to floo. Hermione sat at the table for a moment, unsure of what was wrong with her. She felt sick, like someone had punched her in the stomach, she couldn't quite breathe right, her throat felt constricted. She realized just in time what was wrong and she practically ran out of the room before anyone could see her.

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She attempted to make her voice sound strong, and called out to Dumbledore, "I'll meet you there…I'm not feeling so well, and I don't have a class for another hour. Just tell Professor Flitwick, I'm going to miss lunch so he doesn't wonder where I am." 

"I will Hermione. I hope you feel better." Albus replied.

Hermione sighed and slumped against the wall. She needed to think. She was going to be sick. What was wrong with her? She knew where she'd go, she only wondered if she could find it again.

Fortunately the turns that winded through the hallways to that magical, serene place had been burned into her memory. She needed the soothing solace it offered her, and at least she'd be left alone. As she made her way through the hallways she gradually lost her grip on all the feelings that were swirling like a torrential storm inside her. The floods of tears burst from her eyes as she turned the knob on the door to the garden room. She wiped her eyes as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. She sat down on the ground and buried her face in her hands.

What was going on, this was all so messed up? Yesterday she had a normal life, everything was stable and predictable, and now… everything had changed, overnight. Two of her best friends were getting married; one of which was inevitably going to die at some point in the near future. She was having romantic feelings for her ex-professor a werewolf with a drinking problem, and serious emotional issues, and to top it all off she had an awful headache. She laughed slightly. Then she laughed a little louder, until she was eventually gasping for air in hysterical laughter for no apparent reason.

"Hermione…" a familiar voice wrenched her from her delusion.

She stopped laughing abruptly and jolted her eyes open.

They stared at each other for a moment without speaking.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said softly. "You've seen me worse."

This was questionable, he had been drunk surrounded by chocolate frog cards looking through a photo album. She had just been laughing hysterically, her face covered in tears, rocking back and forth her arms wrapped around her knees.

"Do you want to talk about it…whatever's bothering you…or anything at all?" he said quietly staring at the ground.

"Who do you think I am?" she said suddenly looking up at him.

"You're Hermione Granger." He replied slightly confused.

"No…who do you see me as, you know, how would you describe me to someone?"

"Well you're excessively intelligent, responsible, careful, patient, generous, and kind…" he then looked at the ground rather embarrassed and added, "And you're absolutely beautiful."

"You're wrong." She said her voice shaking. "I'm stupid, irresponsible, selfish, and horrible." She laughed then. "And I fear you're going blind, because the only other person to call me absolutely beautiful is Dobby the house-elf; and well, he likes my knitting, so that says a lot."

"You are beautiful Hermione…and those other things, well I've never seen you act that way but, then again, we all have our secrets, our darker sides we shut up in closets." He said darkly. "For instance…I'm sure you never imagined me as a total wreck who couldn't get over a few losses, so he drinks himself to sleep, nearly every night. Hoping one day he may just not wake up, so he wouldn't have to deal with all the…shit…life throws at him." His voice was rough, bitter, and his eyes had a deadened look in them.

"I don't want Harry and Ginny to get married, because I want them to be my friends. I want them for myself, and don't want to share them. I don't want to be left alone." Hermione whispered ashamed. "I…I…for a second I thought I hoped Voldemort would kill him for being so selfish, for being in love with her, and wanting to marry her." She whispered tears welling up in her eyes again.

"I hate Sirius for dying." Remus said simply. "I hate him for it, he was always so reckless, he never thought of himself, what he meant to others…I hate myself for hating him…but I can't stop it." He smiled up at her and laughed.

She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't help but laugh too. They both sat there laughing together for ten minutes until the laughter turned to tears, and the tears to sobs of anguish. They held onto each other desperately, afraid to let go, afraid to open their eyes. When they had finally cried until they were empty, they opened their eyes and looked at each other. Their faces were red, and wet, their eyes puffy and blood shot, and neither had ever felt more attracted to a single person in their entire life.

Their lips meant passionately, the feelings they shared were intense, they were painful, they were exquisite, and they were beautiful. His hands were running through her mess of curls, get tangled up, pulling them closer together. Their chests were smashed together, and she was running he fingertips along his back lightly, creating an odd contrast to the fierceness of the kiss. They seemed to be like this for an eternity, yet it seemed to only last a second. When their lips slowly pulled apart, they were both panting for breath. Hermione knew if she didn't leave now, something was going to happen, something she may not be ready for.

"I…have…to go teach…now." Hermione gasped. Remus pulled her back and kissed her once more lightly.

"We should meet sometime, when both of us are…a bit more stable." He said with a slight smile, his eyes had a dreamy look in them.

"Yes…we should…definitely." She was still having trouble breathing. She had never felt so conflicted in her life. Part of her wanted to run away, and another part was begging her to stay desperately. "Goodbye." She said, as she turned to leave she heard him say softly.

"And you are beautiful Hermione…the most beautiful thing I've seen in my entire life."

She shut the door feeling strange feelings surge through her. _So this was love?

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_

After the incident in the garden, Remus had trouble concentrating the rest of the day. His guilt over her age had gone away with that conversation, he had nothing to feel guilty over, she was as much of an adult as he was, she understood him in a way no one else ever had, and it was wonderful, and absolutely terrifying.

He had never felt quite this way about a person before. He was worried it was only because of the situations they encountered each other in that they had such passion. If it was only their pain, that was their connection. Though Remus had been in very few relationships due to his condition, he was certain that pain was not a good foundation to base one upon. He was certain they had other common grounds, he just needed to make sure they existed in a lighter scenario. For instance he loved reading, and he was nearly positive she did as well. Perhaps they could go to some little café in Muggle London and drink tea and read together. It would be easier for them to sort out their feelings about each other with out getting everyone else involved.

He wrote a letter inviting her to a café by his apartment tomorrow night. Well actually he wrote about five letters inviting her, the first four he hadn't liked his writing, wording, or the paper it was written on, and on the fourth one he had decided signing it "Love, Remus" might frighten her. So for the final copy he settled on "Yours Truly". He sent it out to her office at Hogwarts with his old barn owl. After he was done working he paced around his apartment for nearly an hour waiting for a response. When he finally heard the swooping of his dusty old owl he had never been happier to see it in his life. He read her response his eyes scanning the paper making him smile slightly.

_Dear Remus,_

_I would be delighted to join you at the café tomorrow night. Can you pick me up from my house? I don't have a car, and it's not quite safe to apparate in the middle of Muggle London. I've attached directions on the back of this letter. Well, thank you for the invitation, I can't wait to see you tomorrow._

_Sincerely, _

_Hermione_

Remus held the letter in his hand and smiled…well it wasn't quite love, but it was definitely a start. And for her he'd wait as long as it took.


	4. A Perfect Moment Disturbed

**It Was Only a Kiss**

**Author's Note**: looks around sheepishly erm sorry for taking awhile to update I wasn't quite sure where I was going with this, but hopefully now thats settled. This chapter is sort of boring I think, but its necessary for a few reasons, so bare with me. Thank you all so much for the reviews they were tremendously helpful in motivating me to continue this. Hopefully it all goes well and if you have any suggestions go ahead and share becuase while I love this story it seems to give me a painful amount of writer's block.

**Disclaimer**: I Don't own Harry Potter. Surprised? If I did I certainly wouldn't be writing fanfiction, I'd be somewhere warm and tropical right now!

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* * *

Chapter Four**

Hermione Granger sat in the teacher's lounge of Hogwarts gazing into the fire with a certain air of disregard to her surroundings. Her fellow professors had noticed her sudden detachment in the past two days and were slightly worried. She normally went out on Tuesday nights with Professor Sinistra, McGonnagal, and Sprout, but tonight she had "other plans", which all three woman found highly unlikely since Hermione was hardly the social type, and she had never missed their outing yet. Even Severus Snape, who still had little fondness toward the outspoken and overly-intelligent Gryffindor, couldn't help but be a little concerned by her sudden change of personality. He went as far to check her for the Imperius, claiming fumes had gotten loose from one of his potions classes, and he was checking everyone, to make sure they hadn't been affected by the potentially dangerous brew.

Most of them felt it was probably due to the rather awful prophetic dream made by Luna Lovegood, or perhaps even the sudden wedding between two of her closest friends. None of them knew the truth though. They couldn't even begin to guess.

Tonight she had a date with Remus Lupin. It still sounded strange to her. She had always admired him as a strong, brave, and caring person, but had never thought of him in a realistic romantic way. It was funny that now that she knew his flaws, and had seen that he was truly human, vulnerable, and imperfect like herself that she could truly find herself attached to him. It was his flaws that made her fall for him; it was their imperfections that drew them together. She imagined he understood so much of how she felt. The burden of being the strong one, the responsible one, it was so much to deal with sometimes. She wasn't nearly as perfect as she let on, and was terribly afraid of failing.

He had seen her darker side, the Hermione she kept hidden away from everyone else. She hadn't meant for him to, but when he did he accepted it. He understood it; he had his own darker side after all. It made her laugh to think back on their last meet up in the garden. If any of the others had seen them, they would've sent them off to St. Mungo's incurably insane ward.

She found herself thinking about him more and more. She was barely able to concentrate when she taught, Ginny had given her a questioning look during class, and she had ran out at the end before she had a chance to confront her, somehow she still didn't want to tell Ginny. If her and Harry were allowed to keep big secrets then she should be allowed to too. Her mind told her this wasn't fair, but she didn't care about what was fair anymore, what had being fair gotten her anyhow, what had being fair gotten any of them? They were losing the war because they played fair, they only used the unforgivable curses in self-defense, and what good did that do? Why were they only allowed to hurt them if they struck first, they would never gain an advantage playing fair.

She shook the thought out of her head. When had she started think like that? She sighed, stress, must be all the stress. The pressure of it all was finally driving her insane, making her think like a Slytherin._ "Or perhaps it has opened your eyes, made you finally see the world for what it is."_ A voice in her mind replied. She rubbed her temples; maybe tonight she'd get something a little stronger than tea.

* * *

Remus Lupin was wearing a faded and worn out pair of muggle jeans and a plain white collared shirt. The jeans were his own that he wore when he went around the muggle world, but the shirt he had bought for tonight. He didn't have much money in his vault at Gringotts, but the exchange rate was high now, and he got plenty of muggle money in exchange for one sickle. He had enough for the shirt, a few drinks, and maybe some food. He was excited and nervous for tonight, he hadn't been on a real date in a long time. It was funny to think who it was with, Hermione Granger. An ex-student, a girl half his age, a brilliant and incredibly amazing woman who he had never imagined himself with in a romantic way until two days ago.

Somehow he still had that fear, the fear that had prevented him from letting others get close to him, his condition. Though he should've known that his lycanthropy wasn't an issue with her, after all she had kept it a secret for an entire year not so long ago; not even telling her closest friends. It was that kind of understanding that made her different from the rest. Though it might've just been the fact that she was a muggle born, raised in a world where prejudices toward half-breeds didn't exist. He rubbed his temples, he didn't need to think about this now, it wasn't even an issue yet, sure in, he looked at the calendar, one week and three days it would be, but until then…

* * *

Hermione sat at the kitchen table of her home awaiting Remus to pick her up. She had actually gotten all dressed up, well at least for her. She wore a coral colored skirt that flowed to her knees and a white tanktop with a neck that was a diagonal turtleneck and buttoned trendily at the left collar. She charmed her hair into tame manageable waves; her look could be described as romantic. This was one of her first real dates…actually it was her first real date. Sure she had gone to the dances with a date before, but they had never taken her anywhere. This was so exciting, she tapped a foot nervously and glanced continuously out the window, she didn't even notice when her mother entered the room.

"Got a hot date tonight?" she asked jokingly. When her daughter didn't reply but simply kept staring out the window, Mrs. Granger nearly fainted. "You're going on a date and you didn't even tell me! Hermione, spill the details!" her mothers said with giddy excitement.

Hermione thought with mild amusement how funny it would be to tell her mother the whole truth. "He's a wizard." She said evasively.

"And…what's he like?" her mother replied merrily.

"He has soft brown hair, warm amber eyes, and is the kindest, most noble, and compassionate man I know." Hermione said dreamily.

"Sounds like love to me!" her mother, said happily. "My baby is growing up."

Hermione saw a red motorcycle pull up. Her jaw dropped, she never imagined him the type. He looked gorgeous though, his outfit was perfect, his hair was all wind swept, this was so…wonderful. She walked out to meet him by the door, she heard her mother calling "Good Luck"

"Hello Remus." Hermione said with sudden shyness, trust her to not be nervous all day then be overwhelmed with it the moment he arrives.

"Hey Hermione…I hope you don't mind riding behind me, I don't actually have a car." He said with slight embarrassment.

"No this is great, I didn't know you had one of these." She said with admiration.

"It was Sirius'." He stated plainly shrugging. "I like it, but it reminds me too much of him, that's why I don't ride it much."

"Oh I see…well." She thought desperately for a new subject, she couldn't let conversation go downward this quickly. Unfortunately her social skills weren't quite even with her intellectual ones and she blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. "I tied the school record for NEWTS."

Remus laughed warmly. "Well you beat me by one then, I was second, ranked beneath Tom Riddle, I believe." He said the name darkly.

She felt like slapping herself. Great now that were talking about Voldemort, lovely, well no one ever called her a brilliant conversationalist. She got on the bike behind him and he zipped off as soon as she had a good grip around his waist. Fortunately the motorcycle made enough noise to drown out awkward conversation.

The drive into London was peaceful. The gentle wind washed around the pair like cool kisses in the warm air. Hermione vaguely realized her hair was undoubtedly ruined but she didn't quite care. The serenity she felt right now, with her arms around his waist, her cheek rested on his back, and it was indescribably perfect. She hardly noticed as he slowed in front of the café still caught in rapture from the ride.

"We're here…"he turned whispering softly into her ear, his breath was like hot steam.

"Yes…we are…" Hermione whispered, their eyes locked. Neither moved for what seemed like the longest time. Then he gently pressed his lips to hers in a tender kiss; she stroked his cheek entranced by his skin. It was like the finest silk in some places, then rough and scarred in others. As her finger traced over a particularly nasty and seemingly newer scar he flinched slightly. "I'm sorry." She said softly. "I didn't mean…"

"No it's quite all right…it's just…" he sighed and laughed slightly. "You know…you know what I am and yet…" he smiled.

"And yet I don't care." She finished smiling slightly. "And trust me Remus Lupin, _what_ you are couldn't matter less to me. What is important to me is _who_ you are."

"You're wise beyond your years Hermione." He said quietly. "I know many respected witches and wizards five times your age that can't grasp that concept. I can hardly grasp it about myself…" he muttered.

She frowned; they were on unpleasant topics again. "Why don't we get some coffee?" she suggested weakly finally.

From the moment they entered the café things improved. In fact things were going incredibly well. They both had a simple coffee. He took his black with cream she took hers with one lump of sugar. They sipped their drinks and talked about their favorite books, a subject that they shared a great deal of common ground in. In the wizarding world both of their favorite books was Hogwarts a History, though Remus said it was a close toss up with Gilderoy Lockhart's Wandering With Werewolves, his very favorite comedy. In Muggle books they found their taste differed. Hermione's favorite was Jane Eyre, Remus argued the entire book was depressing to the point of near intolerability.

"Well what's your favorite then?" she huffed holding her child in her palm her elbow resting lazily on the table.

Remus sipped his coffee then smirked slightly, "My favorite piece of Muggle literature is a drama actually."

"Which one?" she said slightly curious.

"Hamlet." He said plainly. She laughed out loud. "What?" he said with mock offense.

"Nothing…it's just you called mine depressing, but practically everyone dies in Hamlet." She said giggling. He reached over and mussed up her hair. She pouted with her lower lip. He couldn't help but smile. He held her hands gently smiling at her, her smiling back. This was the perfect moment. And like all perfect moments it had to end. Years later Hermione would reflect that that moment had been a turning point in her life. A singular instance of happiness she could call upon in the turbulent times ahead of her to shield her from all of the hurt.

"Remus…Hermione…" An unfamiliar woman with plain brown hair in a ponytail and dark gray eyes said in a low voice.

"Excuse me?" Hermione said some what perplexed.

"Tonks…" Remus whispered. He gazed intently at her. Something was terribly wrong; her eyes were outlined in red and were puffy like she had been crying, her voice sounded hoarse.

"You need to get to Headquarters immediately." She said turning towards the door. Hermione tried to ask her what was wrong but she apparated the moment she was out of sight from Muggles.

"I don't like this…" Hermione said shakily. She had a horrible feeling rising in her chest and her skin felt painfully prickly with fear. Remus kissed her forehead trying to calm her but it only made it worse. She could tell even he was afraid.

"Listen I have to drive until we're out of heavily muggle populated areas then I can turn the invisibility booster on this thing on and I can fly and make it there quickly. You can apparate if you want though. Trust me I'd understand.

"No I can ride with you…besides I need time to calm down before I go in there." She said shakily. He gripped her hand and kissed it.

"Everything will be fine…everything will be fine." He repeated as if trying to reassure himself. They rode in complete silence. When Hermione finally calmed down a little she realized Tonks knew that she was seeing Remus now, she didn't mind though. The sick feeling in her stomach hadn't left and as she saw Remus begin to hover lower and drive towards Grimmauld Place it worsened. By the time he parked and they approached the door the feeling a fear had multiplied by a hundred and she felt her heart racing.

As they entered they immediately noticed something was horribly wrong. Aside from the many somber and tear stained faces there was someone missing from the table. The man who had always kept them together, the founder of the Order, the source of their strength and hope; Albus Dumbledore was gone.


End file.
